my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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