Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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