Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
