I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
