so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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