sarcasm needs its own font
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize