Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
