mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize