I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
