THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
