Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
