Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
