My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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