Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize