I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
