Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize