Im at strip club and am horny
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
