remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
