My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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