i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My dick has a subreddit
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
