I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
