Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
