i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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