Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
