she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
