No period for spring break; use this wisely.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
