I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
