that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
