Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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