booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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