I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
