My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
