He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
