we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
