WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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