Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
