so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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