is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
