Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
