This dress was meant to end up on your floor
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
