It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
