My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
