She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
