I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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