The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
True strength comes from lack of pants
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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