Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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