I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
