and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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