porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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