worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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