thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
