I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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