Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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