but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
