He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
