legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
