The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
how do you play pong handcuffed?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
