he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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