I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
