I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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