sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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