Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
