I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
